


Wade The Cat

by Giddywords



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Animal Transformation, M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giddywords/pseuds/Giddywords
Summary: “Aw don’t be afraid little buddy, it’s okay, he’s gone”Wade almost cringes at how someone is talking to him, what the hell?! He’s not a defenseless animal. Wait. No, yeah, he is.Wade looks a little alarmed, stepping back as the man crouches next to him, smiling sympathetically “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. You okay?”Wade holds his breath, gives an once over at the guy, beautiful chestnut eyes, the adorable smile, the red face probably resulting from the cold and the brown humid hair stuck to his forehead as he holds his umbrella for both of them and yep, ladies and gentlemen if he wasn’t before, Wade is right now a defenseless animal because “Meow” Wade says wiggling what should be eyebrows “Honey, I’d let you take care of me all night long” Wade purrs.





	Wade The Cat

 

With so many shit that happens in this superhero gig you practically live three lives in one, alien attacks, dimensional travels, the most disturbingly creative villains ever even thought of, kidnapping(so much kidnapping!), and resurrection?! Wade practically lived a hundred life’s by now!

But being turned into a cat? A fucking _cat_?! Oh no. No, no, no, no, no that is just a whole new bullshit.

A unique disrespect to everything he’s done and went through in his life, he bets not even Captain America went through animal transformation! And I mean, did it have to be cat?! Couldn’t it be a lion or a gorilla or, I don’t know, a fly?! Even a fly was better, eavesdropping conversation and annoying people in a whole new level, if he kept being immortal their short life span wouldn’t even be a bother. But a freaking cat?!

And not just a little, fragile, defenseless cat. It had to be an ugly, disgusting, repulsive cat.

In retrospective though, it does fit him.

Anyway, since animal witch hit him with animal ray and Wade became two blinking little eyes under his leather clothes, bad mean girl has ran away giggling and causing more havoc until another less animal and less careless New York superhero stopped her.

Which would probably be a sexy ass in spandex Wade knew so well. All those curves and fluffy aspect hum-huh if Spidey ever let him touch it.

But now let’s go to the new problem at hands…at… paws. Oh _god_. Wade sighs looking at the torn weird hairless cat skin he’s in, he clumsily walks to a rain poodle and stares at his reflection, blue eyes contrasting against a reddish skin like a cancerous cat saying ‘ _meow_ come to me I’ll give you herpes’.

He’s hideous. Even as a cat, what kind of cat can even be hideous? Answer: _Wade_.

Wade groans, throwing his head back and looking up at the grey sky “Why is this life, destiny?! You’re so cruel too me whyyy?!”

Now, what to do when you’re turned into an animal by a low class witchery villain and you have no idea how long it will last or how to break the spell?

The answer would be probably SHIELD or Dr. Strange or more safely (for Wade) make kitty eyes at Professor X window until he looked and read his mind and then made his usual hilarious horror expression because Wade will forever torture that man with the most disturbing things he can think of. At least the professor would know immediately who he was. On the downside he’d probably not help him until he felt too guilty, which is five to ten days tops. _Worth it_.

At least it’d be quicker and way more fun than SHIELD or Dr. Magic.

But here’s the thing, Wade is a _cat_. With cat legs he’s still stumbling on in the middle of an alley where everything is triple the size, _so_ getting to the mansion will be a journey worth a movie. And to get worse, whatever he says his tongue turns it into meows and meow-meow’s which, let me tell you, is scarily annoying.

Black Panther would probably love it though.

So yeah, he’s pretty much fucked up.

In a lightertone, if he still has shitty skin, there’s a nice probability he’s still immortal so no matter how many times he’s run over by a car or catches the black plague, he can always come back to life until he gets to anyone who can help him. Or, in an even lighter tone, this may be just temporary and he’ll wake up completely naked somewhere in wherever he goes.

_Great!_

When sarcasm runs off, Wade The Cat, his new comic book volume, decides to hide his awesome clothes and dangerous weapons under a dumpster which means bite them and _oh damn they’re heavy_ , push them with all his mighty cat strength until they’re safe where every drug dealer and homeless can find it …fuck.

Maybe he can just wait a little?

Five minutes pass and Wade is already bored, he gets out of the stinky dumpster and looks up at the sky, it seems even higher than usually, and it’s getting dark. What the hell is he going to do?! He’s suddenly feeling a heavy guilt and pain towards every abandoned cat out there who’s been also lost, defenseless, hungry and cold with no one who’d look after them in case they disappeared.

And isn’t that the punchline? Wade could disappear for whatever long and no one would look for him. Because no one would miss him. Or care. Or think he actually turned into a cat and needed help.

Wade sighs and decides he won’t just stay there being as miserably as he’s been his whole life, also because he can’t just stay put, and walking on four paws does actually turn funny when he starts getting the hang of it.

 

That’s also the reason why some twenty minutes later he’s barely managing to rundown a street, squeaking in half amusement half dread and thinking to himself ‘what a _life!_ ’. He has a scary as fuck dog on his tail, something he would think adorable on his right size but that now, seen from below and drooling between slicing teeth, narrowing his eyes as his bark sounded like a thunder on the spot, was shitty scary and Wade wasn’t about to find out how death by dog bite felt like.

Running under the rain, with legs he only half managed to work with, because he either used both front legs and back legs at the same time or he had to coordinate front and back legs and it was jUST CONFUSING! He was hardly escaping.

But God bless survival instinct, because he also wasn’t about to stop “Get out of the way gentleman, cat here running for survival!” Wade yelled his meows as he jumped to a crowded street and suddenly he was using his skills to pass between human feet as they’d all squeak and gasp as a weird cat passes by them running from a dog, if they only knew. It also gave a whole new understanding of that Lion King scene where Simba is jumping between the elephants legs, Kozo was certainly right to fret.

And humans have no respect for cats. Like, a little help guys?! No?

Wade jumps to a fruit stand making more people jump scared, he keeps running as the dog bumps into the stand sprawling it all around and making people scream.  _Hilarious._ Wade looks up when he almost goes against a man and the man looks at him, frowns disgusted and yells. Well, thanks dude, I know I’m ugly you don’t need to make it obvious, animals have feelings too… I think.

When the shop owner comes yelling from the inside Wade is already jumping out and running from the dog again, what the fuck?! The dog has stamina! Wade’s little lungs can’t handle much longer, shit! Is someone who faced magic mutants gonna die from a dog bite?

Wade gets in an alley, it gets harder to see as the rain gets heavier and his paws struggle with the wet floor but he keeps going, the dog barks not giving much time for hesitation. When he gets on the next street though, it’s ironic how he goes right against the only legs in that range of nothing to hit. “Fuck!” Wade growls with the pain on his nose.

He then turns around where the dog is coming like a bull barking in his direction, hearing only a startled gasp from above him before he jumps behind the leg of the person who stopped and makes something he never though he’d ever do in his life (and that’s saying something coming from him): he holds his back high and hisses at the dog to keep him away.

Hey! It’s instinctive “Go away fucker! Go away!” Wade high pitches.

He’s surprised when he hears a “Shoo! Shoo!” And the man above him shakes his hands at the dog, effectively making the dog whine and back away. The dog looks between the man and Wade and back almost in a pleading way but the man says “Mean dog, shoo! Shoo!”

And if Wade could he’d show that dog his cat middle finger “Yeah motherfucker, shoo off” Wade snickers jolting around in his cat legs to make fun of the idiot “Take that! Who’s the big bad guy now? Kiss my ass!” Wade actually takes his tongue off. The dog barks again, making a threatening movement off attack and Wade yelps hiding behind the man’s leg “Shit, help me stranger!”

“Shoo!” The man says more sternly and finally the dog huffs and turns, jolting away from where they came.

“Yeah!” Wade yells “Run Coward! RUUUUUN!” Wade huffs “ _Stupid dog_ ”

“Aw don’t be afraid little buddy, it’s okay, he’s gone”

Wade almost cringes at how someone is talking to _him_ , what the hell?! He’s not a defenseless animal. Wait. No, yeah, he is.

Wade looks a little alarmed, stepping back as the man crouches next to him, smiling sympathetically “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. You okay?”

Wade holds his breath, gives an once over at the guy, beautiful chestnut eyes, the adorable smile, the red face probably resulting from the cold and the brown humid hair stuck to his forehead as he holds his umbrella for both of them and yep, ladies and gentlemen if he wasn’t before, Wade is right now a defenseless animal because “ _Meow”_ Wade says wiggling what should be eyebrows “Honey, I’d let you take care of me all night long” Wade purrs.

The man laughs though, this adorable sound that vibrates on Wade’s skin and he says “You’re so cute!” Which wow, was far away from what Wade was trying to get through, but then the man is patting his hellish skin and oh. _Oh_ that’s good!

Wade stretches his body “Oh yeah, keep that baby” Wade says moving around to keep the man’s warm hand where it feels good “ _Christ_ ” Wade shivers, hey it’s cold and that does feel good.

The man chuckles again, always petting him “Oh you’re so adorable”

“I’m a wet cat that looks like it was burn in hell and came back to earth to become your worst nightmare”

“Aw” The man pets his head with a finger and Wade involuntarily moans and by moaning he means his throat starts vibrating those cat purrs that would be embarrassing had Wade not been so concentrated on the touch.

Give him a break, being Deadpool doesn’t bring a lot of the touch most people receive, he’s lucky when he can hold Spidey in a hug for more than twenty seconds before being shoved away.

“Come here little guy” And then it happens, he’s being picked up by two warm hands and wrapped between a jacket.

“Whoa, hey there man, take me for a dinner first would ya?!” Wade says eyeing the height below him and wondering if this is safe or if he should be running from the guy.

“It’s okay little one, you’re safe with me” The brown eyed guy says and when Wade looks up to the cute guy’s expression he does believe him.

Well, it’s not like Wade hasn’t done creepiest things, so…

He snuggles against the guy’s chest and they start walking again, only a faint vertigo over the comforting warm of the guy’s body “Jesus cats are some lucky son of bitches” Wade moans against Mr. Brown eyes.

He walks them down the block, the rain around his umbrella making for background noise while the guy hums to himself. After a while they get to a building, climb the stairs to a second floor and get in a little apartment where the guy drops Wade in his couch saying “Home sweet home!” He then crouches next to the couch to Wade’s sight and grins creepily at him.

“Hum” Wade says looking around “Nice place?”

The guy grins even more so maybe Wade said the right thing “You remind me of a friend” He says resting his head on the palms of is hands.

Wade frowns “Really? Meaning your friend looks like a defenseless kitten or a monster that has fallen face first into burning chemical and crawled out of it in slow motion?”

“Humm, I’m gonna call you Mister Pool!”

Ah AH! The irony!

Wade laughs ”Where the hell did you get that from?! It’s like- it’s exactly my name!”

“I’ll get you a collar tomorrow” The guy smiles “I’m Peter by the way”

Peter. “Beautiful name, it fits you” Wade nods “But we need to talk about your ‘talking with a cat Petey’, it says a lot about you”

Peter laughs “Aw you’re so adorable” Peter squeezes his own cheeks “Oh my god”

Oooookay. First, Wade is way far from cute than any animal could be, second… really? _Him_?!

“I’m gonna make dinner” Peter says getting up “Let’s see what I can do for you”

“Tortillas please” Wade says eyeing Peter weirdly, maybe cats really do have a super power to make anyone adore them.

So it turns out Peter is a _talker_. Maybe not matching Wade but _damn_. “…And then Jameson was again saying ‘Parker my photos, my photos!” Peter explains in a funny voice, putting a finger over his upper lips for effect and giving Wade the mental image of a man with a mustache “Peter this is not good, get me something worth my time! As anyone seen my ego?! Oh right, it’s at my nose”

Wade laughs, Peter was funny actually. Wade sat in the kitchen counter watching Peter make a mess of a dinner, seriously, who taught the guy to cook?! He burned the onions and he was cutting the meat all wrong and what the hell was he doing with the vegetables? _My God!_

If it wasn’t so inappropriate to put animal’s dirty paws on food, or Ratatouille was scientifically accurate, he’d fix that shit. For now he just enjoyed himself by scratching his back on the dish drier near the sink because _oh yeah_ that felt good and Peter wasn’t’ complaining, while he listen to the man tell his day. To a cat, which is an important point.

“Then I go and make a fool of myself trying to ask Liz out, because why would I ever not awkwardly stumble in my words just to say ‘wanna get a coffee’?” Peter rolls his eyes putting everything he cut into the pot, _all at the same time_ “And she giggles at it, and you know what?! I have no idea what she was about to answer because someone yelled PETER! And since I’m a walking disaster, I half turned away saying ‘I’m coming’ to her and yelling ‘I HAVE TO GO!’ in response which yeah, I _know_ ” Wade burst in laughing, oh my god Petey is a mess near woman, who’d say! “And I hear her laugh behind my back and I slap myself in the face as I walk away and to get worse I’m just too mentally occupied reprehending myself to hear what whoever call me said which is a whole new problem”

Wade keeps laughing watching Peter The Disaster cover the pot. Wade shakes his head, getting up as Peter keeps babbling around, and goes to the little shelve hitting the salt with his nose until Peter looks at him, hums in question, and his eyes widen in realization “Shit! Right, I almost forgot” And picks the salt to put on his food.

“Petey, Petey you’re a love” Wade says amused, maybe being a cat wouldn’t’ be so bad.

Peter ends up putting a little plate on the floor with some meat bites for Wade, Wade smugly jumps to the table and stubbornly stays there until Peter gives up of saying “Mister Pool, to the floor! Mister Pool! Common, Mister Pool, floor” Sighs and puts the plate on the table.

Wade, satisfied to keep some of his dignity intact, gets to eat on the table and Peter shakes his head exasperated, eating along next to him.

 

Wade is immensely tired when he follows Peter to his room and sprawls himself on the bed “ _Man_ we’re gonna share this today, mind me”

Peter just hums going to the bathroom, door open.

It’s probably because he’s a cat, and spend half the evening running from a dog, that he passes out in no time before Peter is even out of the bathroom.

When Wade wakes up, he’s unfortunately still a cat. And he wants to pee. He stretches his body in the comfy bed yawning and notices he’s still in the middle of the bed, no sign of Peter or that he’s even been there.

He sits up on his back legs and looks around the room, a clock in the nightstand reads three am and where could a college kid Peter’s age be at this hour?

Okay there’s many answers to that: go to a party or a club, do a Netflix marathon, play online games, _sex_ , blah blah and et cetera. So Wade just shrugs it. He goes to the bathroom because he’s responsible like that and pees in the toilet, it would give a million views as an YouTube video, but he rather not gain that type of fame, being Deadpool is horrible enough.

Peeing as a cat is also weird but let’s skip that information.

Then Wade walks to the main room, it’s also empty and he can hear the rain hitting the window. He wonders how a cute guy like Peter lives alone and is still trying to get a girl, but taking into account his apartment size and the amount of things in his fridge he’d say money is the reason.

Wade drinks the water Peter left him in the counter (since Wade rejected floor feeding) and after almost drowning himself a couple of times he manages to take some gulps cat like.

Then he hears a noise in Peter’s bedroom and freezes. Was someone in the house?! Oh no, not my new owner! (Wait, owner?! Let’s kinkily think about that later), Wade is about to bite a burglars penis with some cat teeth!

Wade carefully walks to the room hearing shuffling around and wondering how many they can be or what they may be doing, but he recognizes the humming, and then the water is running in the sink and… _what?_

He watches dumbstruck as Peter comes from the bathroom in boxers and can only hiss “ _HOT_ ” Because hot damn “Where did you get those abs?!” But more importantly at the moment “Where were you and from where the fuck did you come from?!” Wade looks around the room, the only entry is a window two floors up.

“Hey Mister Pooly” Peter whispers in that annoying owners voice and picks him up.

“Hey! I made a question” But then Peter is petting him holding Wade against his naked chest and _oh_ “Okay, dude, I don’t want to be a perv but you’re to blame here. God please don’t turn me back right now” Wade says unable to stop a moan and starts that creepy purring as Peter’s cold hand runs his hairless skin.

 _Cold hand_. He’s been outside!

“Went to find my friend, he didn’t come today though” Peter says, climbing with him to the bed.

“Oh yeah, to the right, to the right” Wade says wiggling in Peter’s grip.

“It’s less fun when alone”

“Oh yeah, tell me about it. Even masturbation is better along with someone”

Peter chuckles putting Wade on a pillow and climbing under the sheets “Maybe tomorrow he’ll come”

“Come where exactly?” Wade says, finally thinking how this conversation is weird. Did Peter’s friend dump him on a three am date?”

“Sleep well Mister Pool” Peter says resting his face in the pillow, face content.

Wade smiles “Sleep well, Mister Pete”

 

Wade wakes up with some annoying as shit alarm going off and what the fuck?! Who the hell sleeps at three am to wake up at six? “Petey” Wade mumbles turning to the drooling figure that is Peter. It’s actually adorable, but seriously, how was the guy still asleep? “Petey!” Wade yells. Nada. He groans getting up and stretching his cat back “I have to do everything” He walks to Peter’s face and starts slapping it with his fluffy paw “Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Peter moans frowning like a child and mumbling “Wha… leave me’lone”

“Yeah right, you gonna thank me later” Wade says before yelling “PETEY!”

Apparently that was a high pitched meow because Peter jumps wide eyed saying “ _Fuck_ ” And hits his clock with so much strength the thing breaks into pieces under his palm.

“…Wow” Wade says surprised.

Peter groans in regret, throwing his head back and flopping back in his bed “That’s the fourth one”

“You need to check your morning anger problems” Wade agrees.

Then Peter turns to him and smiles a little “Morning Mister Pool”

“Good dawn you mean, seriously Petey not even I sleep so little and I don’t even need sleep. I just die after a week and wake up in full strength”

“Yeah, I’d like breakfast too” Peter mumbles before getting up.

Peter is as talkative in the morning going over all the things he forgot he had for today’s classes, confirming to Wade he’s a college student that works as a photographer for a journal and apparently has an internship on Stark’s laboratory, he’s a scientist! Cool, right?!But with so many hours of work… “Peter, when do you live?!”

Wade laughs watching the man running back and forward over the house at an amazing speed as he goes over clothes, eating, talking, choking, brushing teeth, forgetting books, and then keys, then wallet, then getting out of the apartment with only socks on and making Wade loss his breathing after laughing so much.

“ _Jesus_ ” Peter breaths out when he returns home to put his shoes.

The kid hasn’t sleep enough, hasn’t eaten proper breakfast, has a whole day filled and Wade thanks all gods for having chosen military after graduation because he’d certainly not handle college life like this. Take out the part where he was tortured and turned into a psychopathic mutant, his life went pretty great and rich, so no complains.

Peter though has to take a gulp of air as he readies himself to leave again and turns to look at Wade, grinding uneasily “Stay here kay? I’ll be back soon” And pats Wade’s head softly.

 _Aw_ Wade almost wishes he really was a cat, not being heard was becoming quite annoying.

“Bye Pete! Try not to notice you have mismatched shoe lances today” He yells back as the apartment door closes.

And then life is boring again.

Of course Wade gets out of the apartment, Peter left the bedroom window open and Wade climbs the fire escape to the rooftop. _Queens_. Spidey’s favorite place, Wade even recognizes most street he sees from there, Spidey really likes to hang out here, and you know, after so many times saving the city a guy kinda becomes a walking google maps.

Wade runs around in his cat legs to his apartment, jumping from buildings and stuff to get around. It’s way more tiresome than as a human but when has that stopped him? When he gets to his place, it’s a minute’s work to push up the window, it’s not locked but it’s heavier to a cat than it should, and he sneaks inside.

Nothing is out of the ordinary, everything is just as he left. He sighs sadly, it’s not like he was hoping anyone would come looking for him, who would anyway?! And it’s only been a day but still, it’s kinda empty and _sad_.

He wonders where his phone is and then ah! Right, the suit under the dumpster. He decides since the day’s long to go pick it before it’s stolen.

After some good hours moving a phone that just won’t stop sliding from his mouth back to his apartment, he tries to click around on it to, I don’t know, call somebody? Play Solitaire? Whatever, it’s annoying to pick around it with his paws and he gets bored after a while deciding to go eat something in his thrown around Chinese take outs. He poops, he shuffles around, he tries to call help from the skies or any superhero with the strange power of hearing animal voices, and then he lays in his couch wondering if he should go look for the X-buddies, Weasel maybe, or go back to being a taken care pet.

Wade shrugs, he does _always_ choose the bad decision anyway, and let’s give him a break, a vacation. Who doesn’t want to try living as a pet anyway? It doesn’t happen to just everyone!

When Wade returns to Peter’s place it’s been half day through, he’s getting in throughout the window when he hears a squeal that would put his hair on edge had he had any, and Peter is jumping out of bed, throwing a bunch of papers he had floating around but standing in perfect equilibrium as he grabs Wade and almost squeezes the eyes out of him “OHMYGODITHOUGHTILOSTYOU!” Peter says in one breath.

“ _Dude_ ” Wade tries to say between the cheeks smashed by Peter’s arms “If you don’t let go you’ll lose me from oxygen deprivation”

“Mister Pool!” Peter holds him by arm’s length to look at him in worry “Why did you ran away?!”

“I’m not a teenager Petey” Wade says not liking the manhandling, it would be a lot more sexy had he not been a cat “I think we need space”

Peter blooms a grin “It’s good to see you’re okay” He then hugs Wade again, more carefully though.

Wow… if anyone cared for Wade in the same way Peter has cared for him in one day…

Peter,  who was apparently mopping while study in bed before, excitingly drags Wade to the kitchen to start cooking while he goes over his rambles, that makes Wade feel a little less sad. And watching Peter happily chat with him as he waits on his counter spot becomes kinda nice.

At least he’s making someone happy however creepy this may be.

“…And then Tony passes in the corridor and everyone in the labs freaks out! Everyone’s going all crazy like they never saw a celebrity in real life” Peter says waving his arms for effect, then he huffs and smiles smugly “Except me of course” Peter hold up his chest and looks up proud of himself “If those guys only knew what I’ve done with the Iron Man Ah Ah”

Wade eyes bug out and he chokes on air “Only fuck Petey Pie!” Wade frowns disgusted “Please don’t tell you fooled around with Tony Stark”

“Tony actually called me to his workshop today” Peter smiles more naturally, supporting his forearms in the counter.

“First name bases? Sharing personal very secretive stuff? OH GOD, am I really next to someone who’s close to Iron Dick?! _Literally_ his dick?”

Wade groans but Peter keeps talking “And I told him all about you, believe me, I’ve spend all day telling him how cute you are!”

“I’m flattered…” Wade says still frowning at the discovery. He looks around the apartment and says ”Though if I was sucking your dick I’d certainly buy you better stuff”

“Oh! He actually wanted to see you, but hum…” Peter pats his pants and takes his phone out of his pocket “I forgot to take a photo of you!”

“Adorable” Wade says sarcastically, letting Peter pick him up, push them cheek by cheek while grinning to a selfie “I never felt more ridiculous in my life, and let me tell you, I’ve done the most ridiculous things a man can do in his life time, including licking my cat dick”

“Aw” Peter says staring at the photo “Let me take another!” He says taking it before Wade could even pose.

“Hey! I’m just a cat with no hair, what’s so cute about it anyway?”

“You know, I think Tony doesn’t really care” Peter says staring at the photo “But he’ll always pretend to hear whatever I tell him”

Peter smile is sickly fond, Wade is unjustly jealous “Yeah… _romantic_ ”

“And you know” Peter says pushing a chair to sit down “I never like to think about this but…since uncle Bed, Tony has been the closest thing I had to a father figure”

Wade blinks his eyes, confused “Huh?!”

Peter sits closer to him and rests his face on his arms over the counter “I know he cares a lot about me in a protective way and sometimes he evens tries to help me without me noticing it, he’d probably give me half his bank account if I’d let him” Peter chuckles “But I only accepted the job” Peter shakes his head looking back at his phone screen “But it’s nice, you know? To know someone cares for you? And will yell at me if I get hurt, or come see me just to casually ask if I need anything”

Wade stares at the small smile on Peter’s face and suddenly, for the first time ever, he’s happy Tony exists “So Tony does have a heart huh? You know, I’m not surprised a sweet kid like you would be his weak spot” Wade chuckles, knowing Tony and his obsessive rightful behavior, he already mentally adopted Peter.

Peter narrows his eyes at the photo and then grins lifting his head “Oh my GOD! I have to show this to my friend!” He looks at Wade like he’s expecting a cat to say something.

He does respond “The one that dumped you?”

“Of course! He’s gonna _love_ you!” Peter says getting up with a smile Wade never saw in the man’s face. He does like his friend… “He loves everything, of course he’s gonna love you, he’ll even smash his cheeks and make a dramatic high pitched noise when I show him this photo” Peter laughs making a metal image for himself, Wade tilts his head curious at this ‘friend’ “And he’ll be crazy when I say I got you because of him, he’ll certainly squeeze me in a hug and ramble away how much he loves me” Wade eyes widen as he sees Peter’s face turn into a bright red before he cover his face with both hands to hid his grin “Ah no”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa” Wade says “What the hell is this?! Peter, do you…”

“Ah no” Peter waves his hand away “I better not tell him that, he’ll exaggerate, I can’t take it”

“…have a _crush_ ” Wade grins, bursting in laugher as he sees Peter blush and mutter in his breath how his friend would make it all ridiculous, turning away “Oh my God Peter, you’re _adorable_! You totally have a thing for that guy”

Peter sighs finally dropping his phone on the counter “I better start dinner before I get these thoughts again”

“Ah no, common, tell me more about him” Wade says walking to Peter over the counter “Did you just said he loved you?!”

But Peter just pets him and starts a whole new conversation about his aunt, apparently a nice sassy lady that toke care of Peter and Peter loves immensely.

After they eat, Peter cleans the mess in his bed and takes a bath. Wade is purring distracted as he scratches himself against the sheets so he hardly sees when Peter leaves the house, but one second Peter is dressing near his closet, the other Wade hears the window shut.

He stares at it dumbstruck. Did… did Peter actually leave in the middle of the night out the window?!

He lives _alone_!

He starts wondering if its parkour. His athletic body and escapades at night, not to mention the few wounds he saw on the man’s body would explain it. Maybe street fights? Super-heroing? Wade snorts at the thought, the world is weird nowadays, you never know what to expect.

He lays in Peter’s bed wondering what his friend Spidey may be doing this night. Wade kinda misses that ass, he’d probably be patrolling with the arachnid today was he not in a cat’s body, but well, maybe it’s good to give the spider a break from him.

Though in retrospective Spidey may actually help him out… hum, _meh_ , another day when he feels less like being a cat under the warm of sexy Pete.

Its half past two when Wade feels the weight change in the mattress, Peter is laying himself naked next to him, but his expression seen with the moonlight crossing the window shows a certain sadness in his eyes.

“Hey” Wade says worried, getting up to bump his head against Peter’s face “What’s up Petey? Something happened?”

Peter tries to smile at him, petting his head “Hey Mister Pooly, seems like our friend isn’t out today”

“Again?”

“He’s probably occupied” Peter shrugs and turns to look at the celling “I wanted to show him your photo so _much_ ”

“Just text him the photo, goddamn Pete! This is the twenty first century”

Peter sighs and glances at him with a half-smile “He’ll be here tomorrow, I’m sure” Peter yawns.

And for Peter’s comfort, Wade snuggles against him and they fall quickly asleep.

 

Next day Wade has to wake Peter again after his phone keeps beeping for ten minutes straight, Wade would let the kid sleep had the ring not annoyed him so much. Peter wakes up stressed out babbling about how late he is and running once again everywhere around and doesn’t even eat breakfast. He’s out the house faster than Wade can say ‘I got cheese in my ass’.

“You forgot to feed me!” Wade yells as the door slams close, cutting Peter’s “Bye Mister Pool” In half.

Wade sighs and then laughs. Peter is adorable, if Wade hadn’t succumbed to love for-spidey-ever he’d totally wish he’d be here every morning making sure Peter eats eatable food and gives him a kiss of goodbye.

 _But_ anyone minimally ordinary is too good for reckless, unappropriated mug face merc here. He’s sure when he tells this hilarious story of becoming a cat and living with a college kid to Spidey the guy will do that noise he does when holding a laughter and call Wade on just _how_ wrong that was.

Aw Spidey, Wade misses messing with him. If he only had a change on this miserable life to be loved by that _God_. Wade chuckles, it has been okay for a long time to just be Spidey’s friend, a miracle even, but it’s always a sad shit being pushed and turned down whenever he gets a hope too high and flirts with the guy. Spidey must pity him a lot to handle it, but well, Wade will take what Spidey gives him, be it his patience, be it the continued view of that ass in that spandex!

For boring hours Wade decides to just be a cat, and it’s not as bad as he thought, walk lazily, sleep a lot, in every surface he wants, seriously, couch, bed, up the counters, on the closet, the tub, eat, poop, run around everywhere, find every secret spot the apartment can have, play around with everything, it’s actually fun.

When Peter gets home though, calling for him where Wade is staring at the widow, he wonders if he’s getting more and more like a cat until he becomes one, or if he’s just stupid enough to be actually having an animal vacation.

“Oh I’m sorry I closed the window for you today” Peter says coming to pet him, oh yeah _good_.

“I can open it, I’m not that stupid”

“I know you’ll probably come back, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t lock you. Next time I’ll think of your freedom ‘kay?”

Peter goes to a spot on the base of his tail that “OHMYGOD” Wade moans “Touch there again, touch there again, touch there again!” Wade says trying to catch Peter’s hovering hand. Peter laughs and repeats that same movement, tight in that spot “Oh yeeeeah” Wade moans “Is that like a cat’s prostate?! That would be so weirdly kinky”

“Come, I brought something you may like” Peter says walking to the kitchen. Wade grunts disappointed but follows Peter and jumps to his counter.

“Better be some Spider-Man plushies or you’re fired”

“Ta-da!” Peter says grinning as he takes something out of the shopping bags he bought.

Wade stares at it in horror “Cat food?!”

Peter smile drops “You don’t like it?”

“Yeah fuck you very much, I prefer tacos”

“I’ll get some for you to take a bite” Peter says taking a cat plate out of the bag too.

“I swear to God if you make me eat that I’ll puke it in _your_ plate”

“Oh, also, I completely forgot” Peter says taking a sand box out of another bag “Aunt may reminded me” He chuckles “How can I keep an animal without a place for their necessities, now I have to guess what you’ve been perfuming” Peter takes a sand bag and Wade just stares at it. Nope. No way. He’ll never use that no matter how fun it seems… okay maybe he’ll try it _once_ “She said that’s maybe why you ran that time? She says cats are pretty clean”

“They’re cleaner than me and _I_ wouldn’t poop just anywhere”

“Also, she said that maybe having a cat wasn’t the brightest idea” Peter says frowning “She said I barely have time to myself and that animals required attention, which remembered me I may have skipped your meals sometimes. Oh God, I’m terrible” Peter shoulders slump.

“Fortunately for you, and fortunately for me, I’ve taken care of it on my own”

Peter looks at him with a small smile ”Aw you’re so adorable, I’ll make the time”

Wade huffs and smiles. If only anyone ever made the time for the real wade… “You’re already the best Pete”

Seeing that smile over the brown honest eyes, he’s pretty sure Peter would make the greatest lover, an even better best friend, someone Wade would love to meet in real life. And it hurts that’s impossible, that someday Peter will find a guy way better and deserving than Wade, and have a happiness one of them never could.

Sometimes the price of being a monster is meeting the people who’d you wish to have in a normal life but knowing you could never get there. Ever.

As Wade sees Peter stumbling around babbling about everything he read about cats in the internet, Wade wonders what it would be like to be there as a person, helping him set everything up, while he made all the jokes he knew about cats, witchery and T’challa, making Peter do that adorable laugh of his and having a chance to tell his day back at him.

Sometimes it even makes him wish to just drop everything he does, be it killing or superheroing, even if it meant leaving Spidey, and just make a normal life to himself, worth of hanging around someone like Peter.

But that’s impossible, it will always be, with his face, powers, past…

And this crush on Peter, it will pass with time, or just stuck like the one he has on Spidey before completely becoming love. And so what? It’s not like Wade isn’t used to suffering.

 

That night Peter puts on a movie while at the same time dropping all his books on the coffee table and sofa (classic college student…), and tries to study while rubbing Wade’s belly, making him purr the whole way thru the movie.

It’s almost ten p.m. when Peter sighs for the third time at his phone. Wade rolls his eyes and walks to Peter’s lap, giving no fuck about the papers he’s stepping on while Peter hisses at him, and supports himself on Peter’s arm to look at the phone screen.

_Wanna hang out 2night?_

Peter send to some… Wade. Huh.

“Your secret lover?” Wade looks up at Peter.

Peter sighs, again, and lets his body fall down on the couch until he’s in a lazy position, _pouting_ guys! It’s aDorAbLe! “He’s not answering, he always answers” Peter mumbles.

“Must be an idiot to not answer someone like you immediately, let me tell you. I don’t let anyone important wait!”

“He must be really occupied” Peter throws his head back on the couch and then frowns “Or in danger…”

“Whoa, whoa don’t dramatize” Wade climbs to his neck, making Peter giggle when it tingles. Again, _adorable_. “Now, let’s see. Guy’s not answering? It’s simple, go to his house. Look for him, ask for him, stalk him, he’ll come up eventually. If not _then_ dramatize, either way you can justify your obsessive behavior as worry, am I right”

Peter smiles and pets him “Yeah, you’re right, he’s a badass. No one could get him if they tried”

“Now that’s the spirit!” Wade says happily “And way too much faith but who am I to judge”

Peter yawns getting up and letting Wade on the couch with his mess of papers. He mumbles something about getting ready and walks to his room. Wade waits for him to return for twenty whole minutes while he distracts himself with the movie until numbly noting Peter probably isn’t home anymore.

 _And_ he has a serious problem with using the door.

 

Peter is pretty frustrated the next morning, he’s not even running around, just punching his papers together while making this upset face that is just too cute to be true. Wade stares at him from the carpet until Peter stops fuming to himself and gives into talking to the animal “He didn’t come again. I’ve been looking every fan forum and news leads on the internet about him and no news!” Peter puffs and hits his block of papers on the coffee table “Of course most of his gigs are secret or take longer, but he could have send me a message, I don’t know! Last time he at least said he’d be out for a week. And now he’s just puff, nowhere, is he dead? Who knows! Maybe he was taken, kidnapped, being tortured again for no one to help him or being kept by a nameless villain, and I’m here doing nothing when finally it’s my duty to do something for him!”

“And Spidey says I’m dramatic…” Wade mumbles.

“Or he just suddenly decided to take a vacation in Hawaii and is eating pizza in the Himalaya Mountains because he’s that unexpected and he owns me no explication whatsoever and is too careless to even keep his phone for more than a week without exploding it” Peter takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

“… Petey, you just miss him” Wade says, half sad for Peter, half jealous of this other guy who apparently is also named Wade, oh the irony, and a little bit worried that the guy is actually in danger and Wade is not his full self to help Peter find his friend.

Peter opens his eyes slowly looking distantly “Why do you have to always be so unexpected…?”

Peter obviously cares a lot about this friend of his, whoever the guy is he’s lucky to have Peter, dare Wade have someone asking for him like that.

Peter reluctantly goes to school, obviously less energetic that last times and Wade decides to follow him because he has nothing better to do.

Surprisingly, or maybe not really, Peter is a BIG nerd. Capital letters guys. He walks around almost invisibly, talks to almost nobody, fall asleep in half his classes (three days with less than four hours of sleep, Wade counts), lunches a sandwich (which makes Wade cringe), goes to the The Daily Bugle building and seems double the tired when he heads out and spends the rest of the afternoon hours inside one of Stark’s Labs.

Wade waits outside, tired of following Peter through jumping building and allies, which is not uncommon for him but for cats little legs is a torture, and of course, he doesn’t dare get in Stark’s facilities.

Wade gives up of waiting after a while and goes back home, not much later Peter is getting home looking exhausted and Wade feels for him “Poor little Petey Pie, life has been really hard on you” Wade says from his counter spot while Peter drags his feet, falls into a chair, moans to the ceiling and drops his head between his arms “You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, you don’t _party_ , you my friend are even more depressing than me, and let me tell that’s a big offense”

Peter groans again, making that cute pout again looking at Wade from the table “I’m tired”

“No shit” Wade smirks to himself.

“And I feel lonely”

“Honey I could stop that in a sec” Wade says but not with the strength he’d usually have, he’s a cat so. But also because Peter shouldn’t be lonely. He’s a nice guy, he’s cute, funny, charismatic, and incredibly dutiful. Wade is mesmerized by him, it’s almost incredible how there’s no one kissing his feet.

Then again, with what Wade saw today, Peter is good at hiding himself. Why, Wade can’t guess…

“I want to be with him” Peter whispers almost like it’s a secret “He’s good at distracting me from the stress of my life”

“Are you talking about Monsieur Wade again? I’m feeling hurt here Pete” Wade says jumping from the counter to the table, next to Peter.

Peter smiles at him, slowly patting him and holding up his head to support it on the palm of his hand “What happened to your skin Mister Pool?”

“Genes, torture, and everything cancerous”

Peter smiles sadly, touching Wade’s skin carefully “He’s so sensible about his appearance…”

“Your guy?”

“He’s not ugly you know?” Peter says looking away “He’s just different, of course people always get weird about who’s different, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ugly”

“Now that’s nice” Wade nods “It makes me almost feel good about myself. Almost”

“Or that it’s the most important thing about a person. To the people that care about you, your look will never matter, I swear!”

“Unless you want to have sex with them”

“I actually like it you know?” Peter smirks like he’s telling a secret, then narrows his eyes “It’s kinda sexy somehow. But I’d never dare telling him that” Peter laughs throwing himself back and starting to blush again “Either he wouldn’t believe it or he’d never let me drop it”

Wade frowns “Well, if someone actually thought my skin was sexy I’d like to know, I look like a half cooked piece of meat a bulldog puked” Wade winces “Yeah, not happening” He then remembers that one time Spidey saw him without the mask, making a self-deprecating comment about it. _It’s not as bad as you make it, you know? Give yourself some credit._ “Yeah, most of the time Spidey is just trying to be nice, he’s like that. But maybe I can count it has one person not being disturbed by my skin, that’s as far as I can take it”

“But in matters of attraction, and just in matters of attraction” Peter holds his palms to Wade The Cat “I’ll admit, here, between us two, that considering Wade’s volume of muscles-“

“Oh, oh, oh I’m liking this”

“His height” Peter holds his hand up.

“Keep going my pervert friend”

“His…” Peter bites his lips and Wade laughs “ _Agility_ ”

“Oh yeah, that counts”

Peter winces a little, biting even more his lips like a teenager “His voice”

“Now, Peter, let me tell you, you’re _kinky_ ”

“And his very occasional touchy-feely attitude” Peter balances his head from side to side “Confidence”

“Please, attitude is everything”

“And those _incredibly_ ” Peter says breathless, rolling his eyes “Amazing, blue eyes”

“Seems like a hot piece of meat, and I know _me_ ”

“You can say Wade is severely, aggressively, annoyingly” Peter closes his hands in fists “HOT”

Wade laughs, Peter is so wet over his friend “Jump him over PETEY! _God_. You couldn’t be more gay about him if you wanted, just have the guy for yourself already”

Knowing Peter, he probably feels not wanted by his friend, and maybe he is, who knows. But one thing is certain, if Wade was that guy he’d certainly want him. For now he can only feel jealous of his counterpart and give Peter his better wishes.

“And it’s not just me you know?” Peter leans forward like he’s telling him a gossip “Wade would probably not believe this, and he can’t honestly know, but I heard some of our friends actually comment that in terms of aesthetic he’s incredibly attractive” Peter grins “I swear, even Tony once said ‘If he wasn’t so annoying that’d be sexy’,” Peter says in a funny voice and laughs “when he had given a crazy kicking flip. The whole comm laughed and some shamefully agreed!” Peter laughs even more, throwing his head back.

Wade stares not getting half of it, was he talking about Tony Stark? Nah, probably his friends, kick flip? Peter did have a night group of weird activities, maybe Wade would follow him tonight.

“Well, I’m starting to want to be part of the drooling group of this guy you so much admire” Wade says just a little grumpy over the jealousy.

Peter breaths out smiling relaxed as he rest his head on his palm again “You’d be surprised that it’s more his personality than his features that draws everyone away, well, that and his behavior”

“It doesn’t draw _you away_ ”

Peter glooms a little more looking at nowhere in particular, it’s love sick cute but Wade is not really on the mood of seeing other people having their happy endings when he can only suffer over unrequired love stories and spider related wet dreams.

Only after Wade gives a loud, clearly sarcastic “MEOW” Does Peter jumps, chuckles and starts going over his evening routine.

While Peter washes his dishes Wade lays in the cough, depressingly feeling bad with himself and not missing his life by an inch. This whole talk about lovers and what not got Wade thinking about Spidey, he kinda misses making patrols with him, the eating on the rooftop and laughing about whatnot, the training sessions that Wade managed so he could touch Spidey more and more and get to annoy the guy with his flirting, the whole going to Wade’s apartment, playing video games and ordering food, and the whole sharing pain sick feelings like normal friends probably do.

It almost makes Wade want to go back, but then he remembers Spidey is not really his, Spidey may be married for all he knows and the heartbreak is too much, he rather stay on pet vacation for a little longer than face his life again, at least Peter is as nice to be around.

Wade is so distracted being felinely depressive he doesn’t hear Peter head out, not that he was actually in the mood to go to the dark cold night outside and follow Petey, his cat body is way too lazy so he sleeps until three.

What happens at three? At three the kitchen light turns on and Wade follows the light, he always follows the light, and finds Peter mopping half naked on the kitchen table, pouting face laid in the table smashing his cheek while the arms stay on his side “He didn’t come again, huh?” Wade says walking to him.

Wade makes his ‘meow’ annoying until Peter sighs and follows him to the bed. Peter was limping, which worried Wade for a while, but the next morning when Wade slapped Peter awake the man was running thought the house again screaming about how late he was.

Wade managed to play with an apple for the entire time until Peter picked it in a grunt, washed it quickly and put in in his mouth heading out the house without his phone.

Wade shakes his head and counts ten minutes before Peter is back to grab it and out again.

Deciding to go back to his apartment for some comfort, Wade heads out again. Catting his way through the city, fighting a window a third time, he gets inside feeling the smelly aroma of his place “Home sweet home” He meows loudly.

Being an animal should be more scary that it’s being…

Wade walks around his house, wandering around until he notices his cellphone blinking. He jumps to the table and checks it seeing a message from ‘ _Nice Ass_ ’ “Spidey?” Wade eyes widen surprised.

Shit! Did Spidey need his help these days or something?!

It takes Wade an eternity to unblock his phone screen with cat goddamn paws, and he stares at the signal of THREE messages from his friend, it’s almost worrying. The last, from two hours ago, appears on the notification.

_U in NY?_

Wade smiles and opens their text messages, frowning when he sees the one from yesterday.

_Wanna hang out 2night?_

Now that’s just weird…

Three days before it said.

_Usual spot._

Had Wade not been a cat he’d known exactly where Spidey had been and meet him, what a shame he lost another change to hang around.

Wade does try to answer but goddamn paws! Forget it, it’s not like Spidey will miss him much. Though it’s surprising the amount of messages in one go, though in retrospective Wade would have answered whether he was in the middle of a shooting or waking up from the death in somewhere he doesn’t even remember.

 _Meh_ , he’ll let Spidey miss him, he may steal a hug out of that.

Yeah right, where is the White box to tell him no one would ever miss him and that Spidey will find a better partnership in Hell’s Kitchen huh?

He returns home after a while and at almost four he feels Peter finally flopping on the bed, it’s almost impressive the lack of noise the man does but Wade doesn’t exactly have his nice reflexes in this little body.

“You’re late” Wade mumbles snuggling into Peter’s cold.

The guy already has his eyes closed, but almost like he heard the question, he says “Made some calls, bothered some people, no one’s seen him or heard of him” Peter sighs tiredly “They say he’s probably onto something personal, which wouldn’t be unusual, but I’m still worried”

Wade stares at Peter mumbling form and twists his lips “I’m starting to think that’s more than a crush you have there buddy”

“It’s been a while since he just vanished without warning…”

“Yeah, that normally means trouble in my opinion, maybe use some contacts like, I don’t know, technologic advantaged avengers that want to paternally pamper you? In my opinion you should let them- you know what? No, let _me_ pamper you, and-“

Peter chuckles and shoves him lightly with his hand, not even opening his eyes “Shut up Mister Pool, you meow too much”

“Well fuck you very much Petey” Wade says but smiles and lets the other sleep, at least Peter acknowledges his voice.

 

Next day goes as smoothly as always, Peter is a morning mess, Wade follows him getting a handle of this thing of climbing buildings, trees and snuggling into places, and he gets to see Peter nerd out, be caught sleeping in a class, forget books and groan, call his aunt and lie that he’s taking care of himself, shove unhealthy food for lunch, lose his train for work, completely miss the fact that the waitress from a coffee is flirting with him instead being awkward and yawning in her face.

Wade winces at that, shaking his head in disappointment, he wants to feel bad about stalking Peter’s life but this is better than a Friends episode. He does go for a walk in the city when Peter goes to work and returns home almost at the same as Zombie Peter.

He’s starting to get really worried about Peter’s self-destructive behavior but what can he do?

“Dude you’re an adorable failure” Wade says jumping to his counter spot as Peter makes coffee, in the afternoon guys, this is _bad_ “I wish I could just lay you back and take care of you in a nice non pervert way” Wade thinks better of it and adds “And then in a pervert way of course, but only if you’d be into it”

“I can’t handle this kind of stress, I _swear_ ” Peter complains throwing a Journal next to Wade. Wade smiles at the headline of Spidey fighting a monster last night and feels completely disappointed for having lost the fun, okay pet time is starting to run over “Where is he even? I mean, he said he stopped his jobs, I trust him” Peter says filling an _entire_ mug “But I called some very special SHIELD informant and he’s not on a mission”

Wade stops in his midway movement to ‘accidentally’ shove Peter’s mug to have a surprised moment “Wait- SHIELD?!”

Peter sips on his coffee, turning to lean against the counter “Where would he be then that he couldn’t even say so? Or answer his messages? I’m worried sick” Peter says in an annoyed tone, Wade is narrowing his eyes to try and see how can Peter know Tony Stark and SHIELD, did he work around the place? But his life style won’t match… “The thing is you can never know! But I swear to god if some creepy villain has him I’m going out there and I’m going to find him!”

Wade looks at Peter’s determinated look and some stuff are starting to buzz around his brain. Peter and his work at Stark labs, he’s not just some civilian, he’s probably involved in some works with the Avengers and SHIELD “Peter… that’s fucking cool! My scientist buddy, what _are_ you?”

Peter sighs and rests his mug on the counter, Wade doesn’t hesitate pushing it to the ground but Peter has some incredible reflexes and catches it in time “Careful Mister Pool”

Wade pouts “You need sleep Peter, you work too hard and spend the night doing whatnot, get some rest or you’ll pass out on the sidewalk one of this days’”

“Tony asked me why I cared so much” Peter says sitting in the table.

“Ah! So you did ask for help, good boy”

“And you know what? I don’t know”

“I’m pretty sure I know. Those eyes whenever you talk about him, the fact you’re constantly remembering him, the fact you care, you blush and you laugh, Petey you even admitted you think he’s hot” Wade shakes his head “That my man, is called _love_ ” Oh how Wade wished someone loved him like that, and how even more did he wish that that someone was like Peter “I can guarantee you” Wade has a vague image of Spidey laughing with him “I know what love is…”

“Yes… you’re right, I know” Peter mumbles, clenching his coffee mug close to his lips ”The truth is Wade is my friend, he’s a true friend” Wade looks at Peter’s honest chestnut eyes and for the first time all the jealously leaves him, he just honestly wants Peter to find his lover and be happy. The guy deserves it “Not just a partner you know, it’s not just to pass time, have a laugh, play video games, eat disgusting food” Peter shakes his head “I trust him. I _trust_ him, maybe I never told him or shown him, but I do. Sometimes that’s what even scares me, the fact I trust him so much, I could tell him all my secrets and I’d probably be safer than I am now”

“That’s deep bruh”

“It’s just that I never know what to do with myself…”Peter sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly “We shared moments together, we saved each other more than one time, and sometimes I wonder why am I still hiding from him? And then I look at him, watch him laugh, watch him ramble and throw himself at me, _feel_ him touch me, and I freak out”

“Let me guess baby, you’re afraid to accept the fact you love him”

“It’s like the moment I give him that opening I won’t be able to take it back”

“Once you show him your true self you’re vulnerable”

“It’s like we’ll be much closer and I don’t know how far I can take this…”

“That my darling, that’s totally, without any doubt, _love_ ”

Peter makes a small smile, starting to pet his head again “Me and him, we’re so different, but we still fit together so well”

“What are you worried about then?” Wade says moving his back to that spot, yeah there babe.

“I’m just not sure…”

“Peter, you’ll have to accept destiny, you can’t choose love! Look at me, I’m in love with freaking Spider-Man, he’s on second place of unreachable perfect people you can love, right after Captain America”

Peter laughs as Wade moans into the cat’s prostate and then he’s getting up to study.

 

The evening is going pretty okay with belly fests and New York news on when something about mutants catches both their attention, Wade smiles when for some weird reason they show an imagine of him on his Deadpool suit doing a thumps up to the camera, behind him a bunch of destruction and other X-men Wade vaguely remembers he fought alongside with a month ago, and the journalist goes over their accomplishes and rights.

“Eh Eh look at my sexy ass on leather”

“ _Jesus_ look at him” Peter says and Wade eyes him surprised, Peter is grinning at the TV like he’s seeing an angel and not a demon on a ruined human flesh “Wade is just incredibly _hot_ ” Wade jaw cracks opening and he sees Peter’s dirty smile as the image changes and Peter shakes his head “No, Peter, come on, behave. No dirty thoughts about him”

Wait…… _WHAAAT?!_

Wade brain has a mechanical breakdown for some seconds where Wade tries to fix the puzzle where Peter just drooled over Deadpool’s imagine, said his name, and said it like he usually says the other guy’s name, which momentarily didn’t seem like other guy at all, and tries to bring himself up to the fact Deadpool doesn’t know Peter and it can’t seriously be him, so maybe he just mistaken who Peter was looking at too because PETER CAN’T SERIOUSLY KNOW WHO HE IS AND CALL HIM _HOT_.

“Peter… do I know you or something?” Wade says in a high pitched tone. He’s hoping so he’s probably not getting the facts right, not like his mercenary, still pretty logic, and usually correct skills can seriously be working straight, he couldn’t seriously have walked into someone he knows and who coincidentally likes some sexy guy named Wade.

Peter doesn’t answer, and Wade is so lost in thought he gets tired and falls asleep under Peter’s care. He only wakes up in the morning when Peter burst into the living room yelling about how crazy late he is.

Wade laughs almost exasperated and can’t stop laughing until Peter is out of the house for the third time.

For the first time though, Wade starts to think maybe it’s really time to un-cat, cat out, un-cat-agorize. This is getting too much, and he’s getting pretty attached to Peter. He goes to his apartment trying to theorize a way to get to the X-mansion without dying, he obviously gets bored half way through and falls sleeps on his sofa, until he hears the sound of a window opening.

He jumps like a cat (Ah!), immediately alarmed that someone found out about his place, when a recognizable voice is calling out “Wade?”

Wait… _Peter?_

How the fuck did he- But Wade sneaks from behind the couch and it’s not Peter, it’s even more surprising “ _Spidey?_ ”

Spider-Man is sneaking thru his window, looking around his dark apartment as the evening sky settles “Wade?! You there? It’s Spider-Man”

Wade instinct is to yell ‘SPIDEY!’ and jump to him, but he holds himself in time. He’s not sure he wants Spidey to see him as a cat, besides he needs to know what Spidey is exactly searching him for.

“Wade…” Spidey mumbles and rests on the window, sitting down half way in “Not here, of course”

Did Spidey need him? Why was he looking for him? Could it be… he was worried?

Nah, nah White would say ‘no way’ and have an absurd reason. But then again, he and Spidey were friends, maybe the arachnid did care after all, even if just a little.

Wade smiles softly, his heart beating a little faster as the love he thought was in a well hidden spot just pukes out, and shakes his head wondering how could he even fall for any other than his little nice hero.

He sees Spidey jump away again, out the window and follows. It’s time to uncat, The End. Spidey needs him and Peter is too much for Wade The Creep Cat. It’s time to say goodbye to the nice vacation and nice cute college boys and return to being The Trash: Wade Wilson aka DeadDouch. Let’s go!

Peter is looking for him when Wade gets home and sighs in relief when he sees Wade climbing the window “You’re gonna give me a heart attack one of these days” He says petting Wade’s head.

Oh the dilemma.

Wade suddenly feels guilty for leaving Peter and actually hurt because he’s gonna miss the easy live filled with care and love. How can he do this to the man who toke him in?

But that’s exactly why he has too, right? Peter can get another ugly cat, one less human and more into cat food.

“I went looking for him today” Peter says picking Wade in his arms while he pets him. Oww this will be hard. Fuck! “He wasn’t home so maybe he traveled…” Peter says like he’s not convinced at all, taking them to the kitchen “What should I do Mister Pool?” Peter sighs.

As Wade watches Peter cook and talk to himself he regrets every decision in his life that ever lead him to actually consciously agree in staying in Peter’s house as a pet. This happens more times than not, he should really be used to it by now, but as he as guilty as sadly watches the guy he became almost in love with, he wonders if this is destiny. To always suffer by his stupidity.

But this is wrong. Staying with Peter has been wrong since the beginning, developing a crush for him even worse, not only is Wade’s pretty much passion for Spidey painful enough, Peter loves some other guy. And maybe who knows? Wade can accidently meet Peter some other way? Or at least leave a cat in his doorway to compensate.

The point is right now Wade has to accept this night as a goodbye, he’d even leave a note if he could write with paws, but it’d probably be more scary than helpful so…

“I’m sorry Peter” Wade whispers and Peter looks at him from where he’s eating, smiling at him “You’re a great guy”

“You’ve been awful quiet this evening Mister Pool”

“Yeah… melancholy, hits even the talkers”

For some magical reason, Peter puts more food in his plate, he’s so perfect. They sit on the sofa watching some black and white movie and Wade wants to _die_. He was never good at goodbyes and this will be his last time watching movies with Peter, it’s so sad.

Maybe he snuggles closer to Peter, gets his extra petting near his cat prostate, and maybe cries a little in the guy’s lap but it’s worth it.

When Peter finally gets up muttering that New York awaits him, Wade knows he’ll have to go during the time Peter has his night adventures.

“Hey Petey Pie” Wade says walking after him to his room, where Peter is taking his clothes off “Thanks for being the greatest, I’m gonna miss you” He watches Peter take his shirt and his trousers “I gotta go bother Prof X now so…” He watches Peter scratch himself up and whistles “Well, you’re hot too, I hope you know that, for the cutest nerd ever you’d beat most superheroes I know. But anyway, back to the subject” He says as Peter starts digging something in his bag “I’ve been kind of a creep and I’m sorry that now I’ll have to hurt you when you found a friend in…” Wade frowns titling his head at Peter’s back as the man takes something out of his bag with a satisfying noise. A photographic memory flashes in Wade’s mind like a certainty, a certainty that he would recognize that _ass_ any-spidey-where! “…Holy fuck” Wade breaths out.

And then Peter turns and the air is double knocked out of Wade, because Peter is holding a Spider-Man suit and it just. Can’t. Be.

”It’s burgers night, Wade would never miss a burgers night” Peter says sounding hopeful. Wade watches in shock as Peter carefully puts his Spider-Man pants on “If he’s not there, I’m starting my human hunt. Or is it mutant hunt? No, that just sounds wrong giving their history, human hunt it is”

Peter dresses slowly, or maybe Wade is seeing it in slow motion, but every piece of body part suddenly fits perfectly.

No. No, no, no, _no_.

It can’t be. _No way_.

But Peter chuckles pushing his hair back “Maybe Wade is doing it on purpose, he likes to test me to see if I like him, which let me tell you, it’s pretty dumb” Peter puts the Spider-Man mask leaving the mouth off “And I swear to God, if he is, I’m gonna _kill_ him for real”

And that’s it. Wade is pretty sure he dies for a second, the body fits, the voice fits, the suit fits, the smile fits, he’s god-made ass fits… oh my god. OH MY GOD! ALL THE FUCKING TIME ALONG!

Peter.

_You remind me of a friend_

The guy that picked him up.

_I’m gonna call you Mr. Pool_

That he’s grown attached too.

_He’ll certainly squeeze me in a hug and ramble away how much he loves me_

That’s been talking to him all this time.

_Wanna hang out 2night?_

Feeding him and petting him and sleeping with him.

_He’s so sensible about his appearance…_

Telling him his feelings and life.

_And those incredibly, amazing, blue eyes._

Walking disaster with too many jobs and poor health.

_You’d be surprised that it’s more his personality than his features that draws everyone away_

Who Wade kind of grown feelings for.

_The truth is Wade is my friend, he’s a true friend_

But who is in love with a coincident Wade.

_Jesus look at him, Wade is just incredibly hot._

His Peter…

_Wade? You there? It’s Spider-Man_

…is in fact…

_I went looking for him today_

Wade’s biggest crush?!

 

“ _Spider-Man?”_ Wade breathlessly says, watching Peter giggle and put his mask on.

Wade saw him just yesterday, he’s sure he would recognize him no matter what. Apparently just not as a normal college guy.

And isn’t that a crash?! Spider-Man is a college guy and now Wade knows… oh _fuck_. He just found out Spidey’s biggest secret. HOT DAMN HE’S SO FUCKED UP SPIDEY WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!!!

Shit. _Fuck_. Shit tities motherfucker, everything suddenly comes crashing hitting right in the place, like a fucking puzzle where the pieces suddenly fall magically _together_.

It’s as traumatizing as it’s exciting as it’s scary as it’s unbelievable as it’s fucking amazing oh my GOD, Wade has no idea where he’s going to pick on, the fact he just found a million things he shouldn’t, that he loves Spider-Man double more, or that Spider-Man… holy shit… no way.

Likes _him_?

Wade has no idea for how long he stay in that spot having a heart attack but when he finally blinks his painful eyes again Peter is long gone. Peter. Spider-Man. Who’s name Wade just found out, Spider-Man’s real name is Peter. Holy shit _beautiful_ , Wade always thought it would be Bruno. And he knows where he lives, _fuck_ he’s in Spider-Man’s house! Holy devil! This must be a crime!

Fan boy or freak out? FAN BOY OR FREAK OUT?!

Wait! Breathe, breathe, Peter has a crush on him, right, he was talking about _him_. Oh Gosh Peter’s crush, it can’t be, misgiven assumption, Peter cannot love him! Is… him. Is _him_ , that should be enough information to be _impossible_.

And he just found out the only thing he ever wanted Peter to tell him himself, and the only thing Peter never wanted anyone to find out…his identity. Oh how fucked up is Wade, Peter is actually going to commit murder for the first time in his life.

… Peter is Spidey. This is so miND-BLOWING PERFECT!

Wade freaks out for two hours straight still in shock in the same place until he can finally even his breathing and mentally put all facts together in a coherent form.

  1. Peter is Spider-Man.
  2. Which means Spider-Man has taken Wade The Cat to his care and Wade has been living with him since.
  3. Which also means Wade now knows Spider-Man is a college boy named Peter Parker who’s nice and humble and grow up with a nice aunt, who’s also incredibly intelligent, has too many jobs, and a poor self-care behavior (that’s not really so surprising though).
  4. Explains why Tony Stark adopted him, Wade had been suspicious for far too long Tony was actually Spider-Man’s dad, but let those for other fanfics.
  5. And finally, Peter has been talking about this friend, his crush, who’s seemingly someone with an appearance problem, inappropriate behavior, named Wade, _sexy?,_ who disappeared at the same time as him, and who Peter has been messaging and looking for in his apartment and okay, it’s Wade.



 

Wade flops in Peter’s bed, stretching his cat legs as open as he can and sighing. Had he been a man he’d be sweating. This is even more dramatic then when he found out he’d been tortured to death and was from then on an immortal ugly orc.

He never thought to feel this much dread again.

  1. Also Spider-Man is as hot as Wade imagined. And also as cute.
  2. And Wade had a crush on someone he was already in love with. This must prove something.



 

Wade moans, hiding his face behind his paws. What the hell is he gonna do?!

  1. Peter aka Spider-Man has been looking for him since he disappeared ‘cuz… he cares…
  2. Peter aka Spider-Man said he trusted Wade because he’s his friend but now Wade found Peter’s secret and Peter will never forgive him and that’s how Wade loses a friend and potential… potential… potential what? Peter never said that he loved him, Wade just assumed.



 

Nothing really confirms Peter likes him, Wade just deduced. He’s good at that yeah, and love is usual pretty obvious, but that just seems so untrue. And now that Peter is Spidey Wade just realized he’s much more too good for him that he already suspected.

Wade groans and almost jumps when the window opens and Spidey, Peter, crawls silently into the bedroom.

Oh. _Oh_ that explains so much!

Spidey sighs stopping there in full Spider-Man suit, as smooth as ever, and then he takes his mask and yep. It’s Peter, totally Peter, completely Pete. And he looks sad “Man hunt it is Mister Pool”

Mister Pool... from Deadpool! That wasn’t a coincidence. _Jesus_.

“I’m starting to think maybe Deadpool wasn’t taken, because let’s be honest” Peter starts saying, _taking his clothes off_. That just seems so wrong out of the sudden, like Wade is just taking too much out of Spidey’s secrets already. “Deadpool is just _not_ easy to catch”

“Damn straight…” Wade says weakly.

  1. He’s seen Spider-Man naked.



 

“And if you were to catch him, there would be a _big_ fuss. That’s just inevitable, you don’t sneak up on him, you can’t drug him, jump on him, and even if you manage to kill him it’s just hard okay?” Peter says throwing his shirt away and oh God, Wade can’t watch, he covers his eyes with his paws “It’s possible, but improbable. I’ve been through everything that’s happened in New York this week, and Deadpool was been seen fighting gagsters, helping people out of a fire, he stopped a pitiful robbery on a market, fought a weird villain with taser hands or something, helped some mutants fight crazy monsters in Brooklyn, beat a rapist almost to death for my dismay, and then fought some crazy witch that went around turning people into animals” Peter throws his hands in the air “Then puff!”

“Wow” Wade says honestly surprised “You certainly have been keeping tags. I feel oddly smitten that you know me so well…” Wade flinches as Peter sits on his bed in his underwear, _oh my_ he’s been sleeping with Spidey like this for days, the guy can _never_ know this.

“How?! There’s no signal whatsoever that someone’s been after him, at least anyone who could catch him, but he’s not in any mission from SHIELD, the X-men know nothing of him, no one seen him around, even Tony tried to find him for me and nada!” Peter says throwing his hands in the air “And the prominent way for Wade to disappear without track is because he wants to” Peter says pouting and God, Wade completely forgot it’s adorable! “But why would he go away? Is he sad again? Killing himself? Did he begin his jobs again?”

“Whoa, hey, Pete, come on! You’re exaggerating in my behalf” Wade winces suddenly feeling bad about all this, Peter has been here rambling about not finding him, and Wade is forgetting this is pretty much a real worry. Spidey is actually wasting time _worrying_ about him. That’s… Wow.

“Sometimes I wonder…” Peter says crossing his arms and legs, looking down sadly “Is it my fault?”

“…What?” Wade says honestly confused.

Peter sighs shaking his head “I wonder if I’m not there for him enough, if I’m a bad friend, Wade is always seeking attention and bringing himself down”

“….True….”

“It’s just I keep throwing him away, not because I dislike him obviously, but because I don’t want him so close to me” Peter shrugs “I wonder if he misinterprets and thinks I don’t like him. What if he walked away because sometimes I try not to laugh at his stupidity, or because when I like his touch I push him away? Or because he can’t see I blush when he flirts with me and when I miss him I don’t call or I make up an excuse for us to partnership?”

Wade opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Four things are certain, he knows Spidey holds back laugher and turns his face away when Wade flirts (thinking he did it out of exasperation and not knowing how to answer), but he certainly didn’t know he blushed or missed him. He does know that even when he didn’t have all the facts, Spidey had always been enough, so that’s for sure.

Damn… Spidey actually likes him?

“What if is he’s sad in some corner?”

“Fuck you very much, I’m not _that_ depressing Spidey. I solve all my deep feelings with anger and dry comedy”

“What if he just got bored of me?”

“Hummmm impossible”

Peter sighs, his shoulders slumping and he mops even more.

“Okay, Peter, here it comes” Wade says climbing in his lab and looking him in the eyes “I’m Wade Wilson aka Deadpool, you can punch me now”

Peter smiles at him and pets him “Yeah, you’re right, we better sleep. Tomorrow I’ll keep looking for him. And I promise I won’t stop until I find him” Peter grins.

Wade sighs well _shit_.

“And I’ll either punch him or punch whoever has him”

“That’s adorable but I rather you keep the masochism out” Wade smiles fondly watching Peter climb under his sheets.

Wade tried not to, but his heart starts beating faster and faster as his mind keeps holding onto the thought that Spider-Man, _Peter_ , likes him. Could it be that he actually had a chance?

 

Next time Wade has an opportunity to travel in time, he’ll certainly punch whoever invented alarm clocks. And how did Peter magically not even wake up?!

Spider-Man is simply _not_ a morning person.

“Spidey” Wade meowed “Spidey” He sing songed “Common Petey, wake up, this is the army now, up little princess” He says slapping him. Peter just moans, shaking his face away. Wade wished he had a voice “Come on! Meow, meow, wake up! How about ouf! Ouf!”

“Leave me Pool” Peter mumbles “I’ll deal with the consequences later…”

“Yeah right, and skip breakfast” Wade complains and gets a new tactic. He goes over Peter’s cheek and licks it.

Peter burst out laughing but finally opens his eyes “ _God_ Mister Pool, fine, I’ll get up”

Wade smiles watching Peter lazily get up and walk to the bathroom, that’s him, the man Wade loves, and suddenly he doesn’t seem so unreachable at all.

He follows Peter throughout his morning routine, it’s even more hilarious when he knows that Walking Disaster is Spidey, and suddenly it’s almost like Wade can see it in his movement, the way Peter moves smoothly and around, he even glues to the wall at some point to pass faster to the living room, Peter wasn’t careless, he was _agile_.

This time when Wade follows him to class he understands why Peter falls asleep, Wade frowns when Peter counts his money to get lunch, how can New York’s savior have financial problems?! _No way_. He’s Spider-Man, he should be rich! And then he gets to watch Peter jump rooftops when he loses his train again, Wade can hardly keep up with his cat legs.

When Wade gets to The Bugle, he sees the boss Peter has been complaining all this days yelling at him. Ah no, not this mother fucker, he not only tortures Spider-Man, he tortures _Peter_ too?! What the fuck? Wade cannot believe Peter let’s himself go through that, but in retrospective he could perfectly imagine Spidey tolerating it.

It takes a lot of maneuver and time, but it’s worth the revenge. If when Jameson returns to his office there’s cat poop on his phone and piss in his chair, who’ll care? Wade is already out the window.

Then Peter goes to the Stark Labs. Well, _of course_ , Spider-Man is basically the Avenger’s little kid, it just suddenly seems so obvious.

When Peter gets home Wade is already there waiting for his hero. It’s actually satisfying to know Peter’s life is just an ordinary life. On one side yeah it’s stressful as fuck, but on the other he has a little break to be normal. Wade kinda envies that, and _that_ is why Spidey holds onto his identity, Wade understands it now.

Besides, he’s just a twenty something kid.

“Peter, I’m officially out of your league and three times more in love with you” Wade states as Peter zombies his way to the coffee machine.

“Mister Pool, I’m done with life” Peter groans turning on the coffee machine.

The moment Peter turns around to walk to the bathroom Wade turns it off and drags an apple to the mug place, whatever, is not like he has any identity that he should be hiding now.

Peter though seems to be in too much of a half-death half-alive state to care, only frowning at the apple for two seconds before shrugging, washing it and biting it, flopping on the couch as he picks his computer and turns the news on.

“Why the double screen Peter? Not even I’m that careless” Wade jumps next to him.

His heart skips a beat when he sees Peter searching his name, of course, he’s still looking for Wade. Maybe Wade does actually have to find a way to return now. He tries to jump into the computer to write a message but Peter grunts for the first time ever and keeps putting Wade in floor when Wade tries to go back. DuDE I’m trying to make a point here!

Peter finally drops his computer and turns the TV off. Wade watches Peter transforming into Spidey, totally not checking the confirmed best ass ever in the meantime cough cough, and deciding to leave today! He’ll go to the professor and not even imagine perv things so the guy helps him faster.

But… “Maybe I can attract him” Peter mumbles before putting his face mask.

“’m sorry?” Wade looks up watching Peter pick his phone and sending a message “What’s that?”

“I gotta show you…” Peter mumbles putting his tongue half out. Arrrr Adorable! “The cutest thing. Send”

“If you ever send me a message saying that, I’d answer ‘there’s no cutest thing than you Spidey’”

“Buckle up” Peter grins and picks Wade up, wrapping him in a shirt.

“Whoa, whoa! What’s this?!”

“Like a moth into light Wade won’t resist cute animals, it’s in his system” Peter grins satisfied with himself. Wade frowns feeling used and over simplified but admittedly, if he was upset and Spidey send him a message about showing him cute things, Wade’d be there, even if just sneaking and watching from afar.

It has always a been a dream to swing in Spider-Man’s arms, now as a little cat protectively against his chest, Wade sighs in love and sings “I wanna know what love iiiiis”

Peter thinks he’s scared and hugs him tighter and then they’re at their usual spot, together again, where they belong.

“He’s not here yet” Peter notes, swinging to a stop in their rooftop.

“No shit…”

Damn. Wade _is_ the one dumbing Peter, man he sucks.

Peter sits them near the rooftop edge where Wade would appear after a while whenever they’d agreed, but they wait and wait and no Deadpool, nor PoolDead. Peter tells him to wait after a while and it takes Wade longer than in should to notice Peter’s actually pausing to do his job. Spidey jumps some four times away, leaving Wade in the roof top in case Wade The Human came. Almost like a gift, a note that Peter would come back.

And you know what? Wade would have loved it.

Wade just feels guiltier and guiltier and Peter keeps waiting and waiting and it’s just pretty obvious Wade isn’t coming (since he’s already there) and Peter is hopelessly mopping this _poor_ boy.

The air is cold up there in the roof, Wade is still wrapped in a shirt looking into the night while Peter’s resting from a fight next to him, sat on his Spider-Man pose for long minutes as both of them probably lost themselves in their own thoughts.

“He’s not coming…” Peter finally whispers.

“I’m here Baby Boy…”

Peter sighs sitting down, resting his palms on the roof’s concrete “Wade, where are you…?”

“Petey… you need _friends_ ” Peter sighs taking his mark off and Wade eyes widen at the sight, the way Peter hair floats with the wind, his brown eyes shine against the moonlight, soft skin, calm expression. Peter is so fucking beautiful “ _Wow_ ”

“The irony is that for several months” Peter says looking at him “He’s been the one waiting for me”

“Yeah I’m not gonna deny that- WHOA” Wade says as Peter picks him again, he sees his body being moved over the height downside and makes a cat sound not even he is proud of “Petey, Petey, Petey! I don’t want to test the nine lives theory, please”

But Peter puts him on his lap to pet him easily, slowly “Wade would always come if I asked, he’d look for me and find me anywhere, he’d be the one asking for meet up and inviting me to his place” Peter shakes his head “Guess I toke him for granted didn’t I?”

Wade opens his mouth but doesn’t really know what to voice, too dumbstruck to even get it all through “…That, hum… I don’t-“

“I mean, Wade has been obsessed with me for a long time. And at the beginning it was kind of annoying and a bit scary because come on! He was the best mercenary on earth, not even SHIELD could keep up”

“Well, thanks, I’m incredibly flattered”

Did he seriously impress Spidey?... Wow. That’s certainly new.

“Then it just became kinda funny and cute, yeah Wade is weird“ Peter shrugs “But when has anything in my life gone the way it should?! And Wade is a bit of a creep-“

“Ouch”

“Careless”

“Ouch”

“Insufferable”

“Ouch”

“And lunatic”

“You know I agree, but _ouch_ ”

“But he’s also incredible!”

“Ouc- Waaaaaait”

Peter smiles form the corner of his mouth, looking into the sky “He’s attentive, he _cares_ , he’s loyal and respects you, and he’s going to be there for you whenever you need him” Wade eyes widen and he skips at least three beats of his heartbeat before it functions again “And damn, he’s _funny_ ” Peter laughs “I love when he goes on in his rambles, and love that he tells me always how he feels, and whenever I’m with him it’s like there’s no worry at all, the stress of my life goes away, he’s either there to distract me or there to comfort me and sometimes I don’t even know how he guesses what I need” No way…Wade tries to unconsciously give a step back but Peter holds him “He’ll hug me, he’ll bother me, we’ll fight and I still go half my day thinking about something stupid he said or did and laugh in the middle of classes, it’s so stupid” Peter laughs again and in a sudden movement, hugs Wade “And then when I think he’s the one who’ll be ripping my heart away he shows his sensible side, shares with me things I don’t even deserve to  know and all I want is to hold him tight and protect him”

Wade takes a million breaths in a seconds and shouts breathless “Holy _Fuck_ ”

No way, Peter actually… really…

“And no matter how much I look at every single bad thing about him, it doesn’t seem so bad in the end, because he’s a friend…” No… no Pete don’t say it “And no matter how much I try to not think about this” Wade can’t handle this, do _not_ “I know” DON’T! “That I like him”

_…_

  1. Peter confirmed he liked him.



 

Wade sucks in a breath. With every single bullshit that went down with his life, having what he so much wanted was deep down on the unexpected list things. Right after finally dying for good and Captain America saying ’I’m proud of you Wade’.

Now this. _This_. Was almost too much weren’t Wade between freaking excited and freaking the fuck out. Peter likes him, he LIKES him, but what does this mean?! What can this mean? OH my GOD! Who heard his prayers?! This is unbeliv-

“And it’s scary” Peter keeps going, tugging Wade again “I guess… I just don’t know what my feelings for Wade can mean”

“SEX! THEY CAN MEAN SEX, ALL DAY, IN THAT ASS, IN MY ASS! YOU CHOOSE”

“I know Mister Pool” Peter chuckles and says in a funny voice “Is Peter Parker now afraid of admitting his feeling? Is Peter Parker afraid of a little compromise? Is Peter Parker afraid of a weak spot?” Peter shakes his head “Give me a break, if you knew Wade, you’d worry too. The question is: Is it worth it?”

“Worth what Petey?! What the fuck are you talking about, I like you! You like me! That’s the happy ever after point”

“The way I miss him, and I need him, the way I’m being unfair not telling him” Peter holds Wade by the armpits lifting him up “Wade may be immortal but it’s not worth wasting time waiting to be sure, is it?”

“No” Wade frowns, though in retrospective being Wade The Ugly™ maybe Peter should actually wait a while to be completely absolute sure he actually liked Wade like that or one of them _cough_ Wade _cough_ would get several hopes high and end up crushed in hurt. “Maybe?”

Wade thinks back when Peter said he didn’t mind his appearance, _God_ he said he actually thought Wade sexy, that’s mind-blowing, like _really_? Wow he had to use this information at some point. Anyways, so maybe Wade could accept it, all that Peter felt. Maybe it was okay to be liked, I mean he wanted too right? And weren’t all those things Peter said true? Wade still didn’t deserve him but if Peter wanted him too, if Peter could really see him like this, maybe Wade could finally have it.

Maybe he finally did it, he was finally a little bit worth it. Was turning into a cat a lesson? Because it was a _meow_ rvelous lesson eh eh.

Peter finally gets up and swigs them away, if Wade got his claws out to hold on tighter to Peter at least he didn’t piss himself. Cats aren’t meant to fly ‘kay?!

It comes as a bit surprise, or maybe not, that Peter takes them to Wade’s apartment. Maybe Wade isn’t the only one with a mild obsession problem? But maybe that’s a super heroes thing, the Captain threw himself into ice for Patriotism and Stark made an evil robot for fear of alien attacks, totally unjustified reason to go insane!

“Wade?” Peter calls out, crawling inside with Wade in his arms “It’s Spider-Man, you there?”

“You’d know if I was here before you’d put a toe inside honey, believe me”

Peter sighs, stopping in the middle of the living room “Yeah I thought so” Peter looks around, looking for clues and whatnot when his eyes widen and he stares at the table.

“What?” Wade sees confused, trying to sneak from his vision field.

Peter walks slowly closer to the table and stops almost traumatized, Wade frowns, spots his blinking phone and _oh_.

“No…” Peter whispers. He slowly puts Wade on top of that table, his hands beginning to tremble “No…”

“Wow, Baby Boy, calm down” Wade says slowly, only half confused. He thinks Wade is gone but if his phone is at home, blinking with Spidey’s messages, something is _wrong_.

At least anyone can deduce Wade wouldn’t travel without his phone.

Peter unblocks Wade’s phone, Wade is about to be offended by the lack of privacy but in retrospective he never actually hid the code from Spidey at all.

And there it is, more four messages from ‘ _Nice Ass’_ :

_Need help in a scoop, wanna come?_

_No come jokes? Really?_

_I’m worried, u okay?_

_I gotta show you the cutest cat in the world, come on! Meet me on our spot_

 

Wade stares at it, blinking.

Peter is trembling, he can feels it through the table where Peter is supporting his closed fists. Wade is afraid to look and see, when he hears Peter sob over him he flinches, feeling something painful in his heart, he never wanted to make Spidey cry…

“He’s not here” Peter chokes, in an obvious attempt to hold himself together “He didn’t left”

“So what…?”Wade says weakly, feeling bad about this, _terrible_ even “Maybe I’m ignoring you, that would explain it”

“I was right all along…” Peter sobs again and Wade feels him falling, looking instinctively to see Pete hardly holding himself with the hands on the table, watery eyes half close as he stares at the phone. It hurts like a Colossus punch to the balls “Someone took him”

“Whoa, Pete no!” Wade says walking to him.

“He’s not here!” Peter says loudly “He didn’t go away, he’d warn me! He didn’t see my messages because he was taken, that’s the only explanation! And _I_ did nothing!”

Well…. _Logic_. But “No, Peter, I’m okay! I’m the kind of stupid idiot who’d stay an animal, come on! I’m not in danger”

“ _Fuck_ ” Peter says dropping his face between his arms, dropping on his knees and sobbing.

Wade stays struck, frozen on spot, hearing Peter’s muffled sobs echoing in his apartment. Peter, Spider-Man, was _crying_ … for _him_.

He was really worried.

…Oh.

Wade shakes his head, not the time to go over this, Peter is crying _because_ of him, because he’s an idiot and he has to solve this.

It takes a good amount of effort of shoving himself against Peter and biting his shirt to pull it, but Peter finally sniffs, pets his head and follows Wade to his couch. Wade can hardly believe when Peter is actually laying on his couch, snuggling against his cushions looking for comfort, eyes shining red and this sad expression that can kill you.

Never in his life had he’d see anything like it.

He waits for Peter to close his eyes, pet him until he stops and his breathing evens. Then he’s asleep.

He never thought Peter could have this kind of feelings for him, and not just the romantic attraction, Peter genuinely cared for Wade, he actually felt the general compassion type of love you feel for another person, that’s _overwhelming_.

But no matter how many mixed feeling pass through Wade right now, one thing he’s certain, he wants to hug Peter and tell him it’s all right. He had to tell him the truth, all of it, consequences or not, and he has to do it _now_.

No matter what Peter feels about him or he feels about Peter, he’ll trill with that amazing realization on another moment, right now he has to correct some mistakes and relieve the pain of a friend.

And isn’t that what he’s been doing this last few years, being a better man for Peter? Because of Peter? Peter’s been the guy pushing him forward and Wade has been holding himself together to become better. And if Peter actually wants him he’ll push himself even more, he’ll do anything for Peter, everything to deserve him! Because in the end he knows… “I’m happier when I’m with you Pete”

Wade smiles, snuggles for the last time on Peter’s sleeping form, purring for no reason at all and goes to the window Peter left open.

“I’ll be back the fastest I can!” Wade yells “I promise!”

And grinning, Wade turns to stalk out the window…

But it’s raining.

And he completely forgot his paws hate rain.

Next second Wade is already being guided by gravity, giving weird turns in the air while making weird cat noises, and the last thing he thinks before he sees the concrete is ‘oh fuck…’.

Well. At least death isn’t new.

 

When Wade blinks his eyes awake there’s three things he immediately thinks of: night, cold, wet.

He sighs looking up at the sky where the rain is pouring down his face and wondering how the hell did he actually die as a cat falling down of a freaking window.

Cats fall on four they say, fucking lies.

Wade scratches himself, bringing his paw up to clean his face when “Wait a minute” He looks at the back of his hand wide eyed.

Hand, guys. _Hand_!

Wade laughs out loud, sitting up to look at his _human_ body, he’s back!

Oh my GOD! Death was the answer all along! Ah Ah who’d say?!

And look at him, in the middle of his street, in a cold rainy night, wearing the same as he did when his mother brought him to life!

He laughs again jumping to his feet and touching his skin, he’s never loved this disgusting thing so much “Oh I miss you baby, I’ll masturbate to you tonight!”

He walks around on himself a few times, laughs when he sees his dick is finally back to his size, poor cats got no luck in that area, and finally puts his hand on his hips content and wondering why is he’s still nude in the street under the rain.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, that’s not the first time.

He looks up and decides to climb his window because that’s the quickest way, the wall is slippery and he’s kinda missing some dignity, but who cares! He’s back!

Wade finally grabs his window and pushes himself up to get inside, he’s in the middle of the movement, grunting “Oh god cold stone against my penis” When he’s hit by a sticky thing in the shoulder and pushed inside to hit face first to the floor “Whoa- OUCH!”

“Fuck” Peter is there in the middle of the living room, looking wide eyed at him, still holding his hand in attack “…Wade?”

Wade smiles uneasily, in a slow movement he turns on his back putting his hands behind his head and pushing a knee up, and putting himself in a weird sexy position to be when he’s a completely naked wet mess of an ugly skin with web hanging on the shoulder “Heeeey” He says slowly managing a smirk “What’s up?”

Peter gives him a once over, hesitates by Wade’s parts, immediately looks back at his face and turns into an hilarious shade of red “Oh my God Wade” And shots a web at Wade parts.

“OUF!” Wade grunts in pain, hunching himself over his baby “Why Peter, that hurts” Wade whines.

There were certainly less painful ways to cover Wade up than a web made for blocking criminals, Wade’s half sure it just actually broke, but then Peter his squealing and Wade turns to see him jump over the couch and put his mask on in a second.

 _Right_.

“How do you know my-“ Peter starts, then looks at Wade again and reformulates “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!”

Wade winces “Okay” He says weakly getting up, still holding his treasure “There’s a complete, totally justified reason for my mysterious disappearance that can also explain why I just crawled into my own apartment completely naked when it’s raining outside”

“Oh God…” Peter says like he’s expecting news that the world is gonna end. Is that what everyone expects from Wade every time something this weird happens? “Wade I was worried _sick_!”

“I know…”

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, I called everyone that could have information about you, I’ve given you as missing!”

“Yeah…”

“I’ve been freaking out thinking the worst had happened and you can’t even _die_ ”

“Okay Petey, let’s-“

Peter gasps covering his mouth and Wade freezes, any movement can be another web in the dick “You know my name” Peter barely whispers.

“Okay, can you let me explain?” Wade says holding his hands out in surrender. Peter just stares at him under that Spider-Man mask.

“What…how…?”

“Look, Baby Boy, I’ll explain you everything from where I’ve been to what I’ve been doing but you have to _breathe_ okay? And honestly” Wade smirks with a little shrug “That can’t be the weirdest thing that happened to you”

Peter sighs exasperated, at least he calmed down “Wade, dress some pants”

“Right” Wade walks quickly to his room. He gives a shameful whine ripping the web out his crouch, and puts some pajama pants he finds on his bed before returning and sitting next to Peter on the couch. Peter is holding his head with both hands like he’s having the worst headache of his life “So get ready for this, it’s hilarious” Wade lies. Peter narrows his eyes at him so Wade licks his lips and raises his arm “You can hit me first”

“Why?”

“Come on, just hit me, you’ll want to”

Peter sighs and slaps his arm away, well, it counts. And then Wade sucks in a breath “So, I was fighting this crazy witch that turned people into animals…”

“Yeah Wade I read about that” Peter mumbles and then his lens narrow, like he’s frowning.

“Right?” Wade says in a high pitched voice “Can you imagine?! A super power that turns other people into animals?! Whatta bitch!”

Peter lens widen and he seems to freeze. Well, Spidey has always been the smart one, and two plus two is four right? “No…” He whispers.

“And there’s so many cool animals, turtles, birds, rhinos, bats, dinosaurs” Wade rambles.

“No…” Peter repeats, his head slowly turning to him.

Wade consciously leans back “And I swear to God when she got me I never thought I’d become a pet animal-“

“Nooo” Peter whines clenching his fists.

“-and be caught by this cute guy-“

“No, no, no, no” Peter says looking around the apartment.

“-that ended up being actually a friend of mine-“

“NO!” Peter gets up holding his arms in attack “Wade you mother-“

“NOWAITPLEASEYOUALREADYHITME” Wade says holding his arms up protectively “TWICE! I swear to God I was just on animal vacation I didn’t even know it was you until yesterday beside the amount of clues you actually gave me and I did want to go back but I didn’t know how and I’m not really the most friendly packed guy in the world to get help!”

Peter stops, breathing hard in an aborted attempt to probably kill him, before saying slowly “Wade… have you been… Mister Pool… all this time?”

“Hum… yes? Suuurprise?” Wade splays his hands tentatively.

“Oh God…”Peter says out of breath.

“I’m sorry! Really! You can kill me! You can ask anyone to erase my memory, I won’t mind! But please don’t hate me!”

Peter lets his arms fall to his sides, looking up at the ceiling as he takes slow breaths. Wade lets the silence settle, holding onto his nerves “So you were turned into a cat. And I caught you”

“Yeah, and you kinda feed me and talked to me a lot and hum…” Wade licks his lips and whispers “Slept next to me”

Peter gives a dry laugh, and in a smooth movement he takes his mask off, looking baffled “You’re unbelievable…”

“I was a non-talkative cat, my first experience was a dog trying to eat me, and honestly how many times in our life do you think you’ll have the chance to live like a pet?! Besides I never thought anyone would actually miss me…”

Peter looks at him with disbelief and then looks around like he’s still trying to find a reason in a world where that doesn’t exist anymore.

“So the whole time… you were in my house” Peter says more to himself “Meowing to me”

“ _Talking_ to you” Wade corrects “And I had no idea who you were, pinky promise” Wade gives a weak laugh and adds ”I was even jealous of that ‘other’ Wade you liked so much”

Peter turns into a new shade of red, pupils going impossibly small and Wade cringes. Wrong topic.

“I _hate_ you” Peter says.

“Ouch…”Wade flinches.

Peter shakes his head and marches to the window, putting his mask on and preparing to jump out.

Wade turns watching him go and calls out “Hey Peter?” Peter stops, back to him. Wade smiles fondly and says “I love you too”

And just like that Spider-Man is swinging away out of his window.

Wade laughs, deciding this went way better than he was expecting. Maybe, and just maybe, being Wade The Cat wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

 

_(2) New messages from Nice Ass:_

_You own me every cent I’ve spend on cat food and that stupid sandbox! Bring dinner._

_Ps; you’re an idiot, but I guess I should’ve expected that._

 


End file.
